2004-12-07

Death in the Family

My father passed away on Sunday afternoon.

He had Alzheimers for a number of years.

I keep explaining to everyone who expects me to be devastated that I've already done a bunch of mourning. I know the service on Friday will be sad and emotional, but so far I haven't cried. I last saw him this past summer. I am sure he recognized me, but he was already showing that he didn't know who I was. So in my mind, I started to say goodbye then. When I went to my uncle's funeral a few months ago, and saw much cousins speaking about their father, I realized that I would be in that same spot in not too long.

Sometimes with Alzheimers, the person's body stay much longer after their mind has gone. My dad was just at that point of slipping both complete beyond who he was and beyond the point of living comfortably. He was no longer happy. So it was a very good time for him to have his final rest.

I was glad my sister was able to be with him to the end. His lung started to fill with fluid, and his time came pretty quickly and pretty calmly.

We had some tough time, as most children and parents do. Eventually we were able to overcome this issues and be friends. I had him as my best man at my wedding. I got a lot of my joy of computers and photography from him. We could talk about computer stuff for hours. I knew that time passed many years ago when he had trouble finding the '@' key for sending an email. Another legacy is my Swiss army knife. He gave me my first one when I was 12. I remember camping and bike riding and flying kites. I remember him taking me on photo shoots and motorcycle rides and boating trips. We went to Mohonk and hiking on Bear Mountain.

I will miss him.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

When my father was diagnosed over six years ago with inoperable cancer, I found myself mourning the loss during the year he was receiving chemotherapy treatment. I knew he would not recover or survive, and that his death was imminent. Regardless, though I'd prepared myself for his death long before, I still mourned yet again, once he did pass away. I feel for you, not only because Alzheimer's is simply a horrible disease but also because the loss of a parent is extremely painful. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

blackdaisies said...

Thank you for sharing a glimpse of your father ... I am sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you and your family. I miss my sister like crazy but when I think of her and the memories we shared, I smile inside.

Take care Keith.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

Trinity said...

Your dad was a great man because he produced a wonderful son like you. Hugs Keith
xxxx

Zee said...

I'm sorry for your loss, Keith.

Stef said...

My deepest sympathies on the loss of your father. I know that he meant a lot to you, and that he is now at rest. Remember him with joy and cherish the memories you have of him.

((hugs))

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear of the passing of your father, but I am glad he's not suffering anymore.

HeyLisa

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for your loss, Keith. Your family will be in my prayers.

Anna Banana

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's been a challenging year for you.

bella said...

That is so weird... just this morning I was told my senior vp's father in law was in a coma and I made a statement that I could see how difficult it is for family members of someone in a coma or with Alzheimers. And a few hours later I read your post. I am so sorry for your loss. I totally understand what you mean about having already said good-bye and how right now the emotion is not a raw saddness, but probably a feeling of relief he is not longer suffering. Allow your emotions to come freely, do not force anything nor hide anything... it's all a process like anything else and we all grieve/handle things differently. I started missing my dad when his motor skills started going and then he couldn't talk and make sense - we couldn't understand and it broke my heart - but he was still with us, but not himself so I was a mess. I understand how right now you are are not "devastated," those who do not understand are at a different place than you, that's all. I'm so glad you shared this with us. Take care.

Atomic Bombshell said...

XOXOXOX To you and your family. Thanks for sharing some of those special memories... That's the good stuff.